Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
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