so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
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