I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
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