I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
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