Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
