And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Randomize
