When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
