We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
