why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
