After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Randomize
