Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
