i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
Randomize
