that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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