is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
