Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
Randomize
