ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize