I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Randomize