I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
P.S. I can't hear my feet
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Randomize
