And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Randomize
