Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
I don't deserve a penis
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
