Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Randomize
