Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
