i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
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