By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
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