go do what you do best...puke behind churches
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Randomize
