There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
No subtext here. People are naked.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Randomize
