thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize