No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
