hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Randomize
