Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
