I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
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