I wish I could punch you in the face.
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Randomize
