Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Randomize
