You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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