Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
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