do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
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