Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Randomize