i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
