i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
We have started to decorate penises.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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