You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Randomize
