glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Randomize
