One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
did you just send me my own nude
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Randomize
