Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
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