True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Randomize