he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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