He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
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