Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
