I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
Randomize
