Screwed.edu
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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