You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Randomize