I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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