I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
