I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
Randomize
