I just saw a hot homeless man
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
Best friends brother. Beat that.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
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