Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize