the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
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