The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
Randomize
