he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize
