So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
All the doctor said was why
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
