so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
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