I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
