k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Randomize
