i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
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