someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Randomize
