That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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