i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
