I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Randomize