he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
im on a boat
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