Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
I feel like abortions should bother me more
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
