U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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